You Know You're 9 Months Pregnant When.....

You know you’re 9 months pregnant when you….


1. Feel 300 lbs heavier than you are, compliments of your swollen feet.
2. Can fit only one person in your queen size bed because of the mounds of pillows that cover it.
3. Think (and hope) every little pain might be a contraction.
4. Drop something on the kitchen floor and stare at it thinking, Do I really need that?
5. Call your husband and he picks up on the first ring.
6. Decide that you're in the mood for sex, but it's just not worth the energy! Jamie: Um, sorry…this one has not applied to me! But oddly I’ve been in the mood to clean out the fridge & cabinets, organize drawers, steam clean the carpet, re-arrange the living room, and windex every inch of glass in our house!!!
7. Have to find the bathroom in a store before you start shopping.
8. Can't see to shave your "bikini" area anymore, but try to anyway.
9. It takes you longer to put on your own shoes and coat than those of your kid(s)
10. Wear the same few maternity clothing articles as much as possible because they fit the best and nothing else is quite as comfortable.
11. Worry not about a painful birth, but not being able to eat all day while in labor/surgery/recovery!
12. For every 30 minutes of cleaning you do, you need 30 minutes of rest
13. Every time you stand up you hope your water will break
14. Your house has never been so clean, but you still think there's so much to do before baby arrives!
15. You actually consider ingesting castor oil to bring on baby
16. When you're completely and openly humorless about people telling you that you must be having a BIG baby!
17. When you use only paper plates and plastic utensils so you don’t have to bend over to put dishes in the dishwasher
18. When you’re eating dinner, you have to lift up the plate or bowl to your mouth to eat anything out of it because you can’t bend over towards the table
19. You don’t care that you’re “not supposed” to drink caffeine, diet coke, or eat lunch meat….you eat and drink whatever the heck you want!!
20. Send your 3 year-old up and down the stairs for you when you’ve forgotten something because it feels like climbing Mt Everest if you have to do it again yourself!